Children Jokes...

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, “ROAR,” step, step, “ROAR,” all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."

Religion Jokes...

The elderly pastor was cleaning up his office one Friday morning. In the back of the office, he found a small box containing 3 eggs and 100 $1 bills. He showed his secretary the box to ask her about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for the last 25 years. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, "WHY?" The secretary replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box. The pastor felt that 3 poor sermons in 25 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for. She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbours for $1."

Blonde Jokes...

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

Computer Jokes...

If Life Could Be Like Computers...

If you messed up, you could press "Alt, Ctrl, Delete"!

To exercise, just click on "run"!

To improve appearance, just adjust the display settings.

More Jokes...

What's better than winning a gold medal at the Para-Olympics?

Having arms and legs.

Prospector #1: Why are you waving that piece of paper on the creek?

Prospector #2: I'm fanning for gold!

Fan #1: What is the 49ers' defense known for?

Fan #2: Their gold rush

What do you call a nurse with dirty knees?

The Head Nurse

If a blonde and a brunette jump out of a plane, which will hit the ground first?

The brunette, because the blonde has to stop and ask for directions.

Gold Miner #1: Where is a good place to get gold mining supplies?

Gold Miner #2: Pan Francisco

Q: How do dumb blondes measure their intelligence?

A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in their ear.

What do blondes and Computers have in common?

They both go down.

Q: What do you do if a blonde soldier throws a grenade at you?

A: Pull out the pin and throw it back.

Q How many hot free naked women is too many?

A You can never have too many hotties.

Q: What did the blonde say when her doctor told her she was pregnant?

A: Is it mine?

Q: How many blonde jokes are there?

A: One. The rest are all true stories.

Q: How does a stereotypical blonde spell Farm?

A: E-I-E-I-O.